he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
