Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
did you just send me my own nude
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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