Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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