I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
