Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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