All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
