his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
