How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
