You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
