when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
