The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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