i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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