oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
