i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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