The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
