I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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