All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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