he puts the penis in happiness.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
