Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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