You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
