Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
