My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
