Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
