Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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