I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
