he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
