He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
