I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
