Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
