I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
