tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
