I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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