No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize