some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
