he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
