The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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