But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
