I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
