Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
