Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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