eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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