Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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