East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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