alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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