We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
