walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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