Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
