The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
