it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
