whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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