Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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