He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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