You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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