Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she smelled like a LAN party
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
