You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
