i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
