how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
