after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
