Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
