Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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