Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
