You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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