I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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