apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
