she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
