I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
