Nicole vs. Life
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
