Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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