I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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