I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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