ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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