I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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