apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
