Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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