This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
