Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
