sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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