i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
