After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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