Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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